Brief Biography!

I believe happiness is always within a person, but series of  unfortunate events cloud the happiness making it hard to find.  No one can take your happiness away , but you can push it away making it a challenge to chase after.

Twenty years ago I was just a baby.  Happiness was all around me and still is till this day, but there was a struggle I was yet  to be faced with as I grew older. I pushed my happiness away for the future while worrying about my happiness in the present.  I was born in Virginia and raised in a military family. That meant lots of moving and traveling. As a bubbly and outgoing child moving didn’t seem to bother me so much, or maybe moving to Hawaii was the part that made me less bothered. As a kid I was always active playing in the pool, gymnastics, constantly on the monkey bars, biking, rollerblading, playing tag, dancing etc. I never wanted to go inside.  

Suddenly life was about to change. My dad had decided after 27 years of the service he was ready to retire and head back to the main lands. I was crushed, but being a child you learn to conform and find happiness in all of life’s set backs. 

Moving to Iowa may have been the biggest set back I was faced with as a child. My mother grew up in Iowa and left for the military after high school. It was hard for her to visit home. My grandpa was diagnosed with cancer leading my parents toward the decision to move to Iowa to start a new life. I’m so blessed I got to spend the time with my grandpa. I learned what a wonderful man he was in my life and in so many others. I blame him for the strength he fills me with in my life and the obsession with baking.  

Starting school in Iowa was much different than the schools I attended at before. Kids in Iowa were much different than the kids I was used to. I had lost all my friends and it was a challenge to make new ones where no one was welcoming or willing to include you.  In fourth grade kids aren’t suppose to make fun of your clothes or the way you talk, but they did. I felt so much disappointment. This was the first storm clouding up my happiness. As an outside kid who never wanted to come inside for anything, I found myself sitting in front of the television, coloring, or helping my mom cook or run errands, because I had no one to play with. My mom and I spent lots of time sewing and doing crafts around the house.  During birthday parties that the entire class was invited to I was bullied and cried in the bathroom where no one could see me. Everything I did was always wrong to the other kids.  Looking back on it I was never wrong I was being different like my mother has always taught me to do. Encouraging originality and creativity in a child was the smartest move my mother had made.  As a kid it’s hard to understand the teasing which leads to frustration and lowered self esteem which was haunting me at the young age. 

After an incident on the playground in fifth grade I thought about suicide, now when an elementary student thinks about suicide you know something wrong is really occurring.  My parents even considered home schooling me because of the challenge it was to face these kids everyday. As a counselor with kids today in my current job I’m happy this had happened to me , making it easier to notice the signs that the teachers never saw or bothered to deal with. Kids may be innocent but they aren’t always nice.  

Middle school was next on the route. After a summer of considering home schooling my parents encouraged me to give it a chance. In middle school all the kids from different schools were joined. My parents believed I would find acceptance and appreciation with a variety of new kids, and they were right. Over the previous summer I had a  lack of exercise, and formed an unhealthy eating pattern so I started to add more clouds to my happiness by becoming a tad overweight for my age. My parents weren’t too concerned because now that I had found happiness the weight would eventually even out and fade away from the activities I had decided to join. Seventh grade started to give me hope that my life was turning around. I had joined basketball, volleyball, theater, music, softball and many other activities where my friend pool was just out of control.

The trauma of elementary school was being overshadowed by my new life and the memories were fading. My mother always taught me to kill people with kindness as a way of revenge. It’s more effective and lady like, so I was super nice to the bullies I went to elementary with.  I really felt like a better person.

Having new friends meant having more birthday parties, more movies, more activities which all lead to more unhealthy eating. Birthday parties every weekend meant cake, candy, pizza, popcorn, and more junk food. Away games for sports meant more fast food stops or quick fast food dinners after practice. Pizza and bread sticks with cheese were offered at lunch followed by a candy bar and a Pepsi.  I also had a brother who was active in more than I was, so every time it was time for him to go out to eat of course I was there. Walking tacos and nachos at baseball games followed by candy concessions, grabbing a candy pack every time at the checkout line of the grocery store, Saturday night pizza and popcorn ,Friday night Mexican food at my favorite restaurant with my mom was what I looked forward to every week. Doughnuts and juice after church on Sunday followed by a home cooked meal from mom or a back yard barbeque brought on by dad. Some nights our family would hop in my dad’s truck stop at the ice cream store for a huge creamy dessert and drive around looking for deer. My family has always been very close and sometimes we based it around our appetite a little too often. Life was great my happiness was at full throttle but as I began to mature and prepare for high school my appearance sort of became a concern for me.

Starting high school was a huge deal . The anxiety of starting a new school was a little scary because of previous years. I started to care about my appearance and wanted to go to school with a fashionable wardrobe and a killer hairstyle. Fashion was about to play a huge role in my life. A week before high school started  my mom gave me money to get a variety of clothes I would be needing.  My parents have always done everything to keep our family happy and are our number one supporters for my brother and I. My mom dropped me off at the mall and gave me a couple hours to find what I needed before she picked me up. I went to all my favorite stores, tried on all the cutest clothes and my mom picked me up a couple hours later. I stood there empty handed with a purse full of money and a face full of shock. No words needed to be exchanged. At that point the motherly instinct sensed what had just happened.  She didn’t say a word and waited until I broke down. I cried more than I have ever cried before, The question” How could I  have let myself get this way? my life is over!” was running through my mind as my overdramatic teenager tantrum took its course.  My mother calmed me down, took me for a walk and we set out a future plan of healthy eating and staying active.

It was the first day of high school. As I walked through the doors I looked around at all the girls wearing little jean shorts, tight fitting tank tops and tanned bodies. I looked down and saw sweatpants, a baggy T-shirt and pale arms. My stomach began to tighten as self esteem began to lower. I couldn’t understand it, I sat at lunch eating semi healthy barely touching my food because I felt like everyone was calling me fat in their heads and watching me eat. The girls with the skinny bodies were eating pizza, cookies, cake and still staying thin, what was wrong with me!? My mom had explained about metabolism and how everyone puts on weight faster or slower than others. I even visited a doctor to make sure I wasn’t experiencing an over active thyroid or facing a problem with rapid weight gain. I left the doctor and was perfectly fine.  I decided to keep my head up, continue to eat healthy, stay active in extra activities and the weight would eventually fall off. As my high school year was very busy again with music, sports, and other activities healthy eating became less important.

I fell off the bandwagon once again going back to fast food, gas station food, boxed freezer food, and the cafeteria junk food line. I guess wearing baggy sweatpants and oversized sweatshirts would hide my weight gain in the meantime and I would just start my diet tomorrow. I still had a huge group of friends and I thought that was the only thing that mattered and appearance would eventually become a priority when I was ready.

Junior year I landed the lead roll in the Musical for my schools spring production.  Theater and music started to become my focus and I was ready to devote myself by quitting sports. To be honest I never enjoyed playing sports because that meant showing your arms and legs in front of a crowd. Pictures in the yearbooks upset me because they were there forever. I didn’t want to the weight to be there forever though. I started to find my talent through music and theater.  While I was finding happiness through music I found a false happiness through going out with friends.

On top of my unhealthy eating habits I began to consume  calories through a new hobby of partying and drinking. When I started to drink it was the worst thing I ever allowed my bubbly self to do. I don’t regret how things were in those days because it was made me the person that I am today but It definitely wouldn’t be a first choice I’d make today.

 

If high school doesn’t have enough fighting and drama already, then partying and new groups of friends will certainly introduce you to more, which is what happened to me. The friends I had  were still my friends but just different in so many ways, I started to believe I needed to conform to fit in even though that was out of my characteristics as a person. I kept up with my activeness in music but found myself going out on weekends, being a careless teenager that I never wanted to be. A regular weekend consisted of sleeping all day, eating late at night, partying till morning, going to breakfast, and continued the pattern all over again. Again I was the one wearing the baggy clothes while my friends were wearing the short shorts and tight tanks, while eating the same way I was.

The flashback of the first day in high school hit me one morning when I was staring at myself in the mirror. I pulled my yearbooks off the shelf and stared at the photos that were taken of me, I observed the weight change through the years and remembered what I had promised myself the week I left the mall empty handed “I will start my diet tomorrow” That phrase became my enemy, I used it almost every time I put something bad in my mouth, I used it as a comfort.  That was the moment I decided the drinking and late night partying needed to end. I lost a lot of friends over it but my health was way more important. Even when my friends were being real and meaning nothing by their actions they still were enablers to my lifestyle and a brick on my track. I was over being the girl with the “pretty face” or  the” best friend” of the skinny girl.

Theater kept my mind off the loss of friends and the nights I spent at home instead of going out with everyone else, but it was for the best. Senior year was finally here and I landed the lead role in  “Dark of the Moon” This was a huge deal. We would be performing this risky production for our school, for the community, in front of a panel of judges, and crowd of students at Thespian Festival.  The play was very intense full of breath taking scenes and shocking effects. My drama teacher gave me so much confidence in myself when I was on stage and I felt so powerful as a performer and really gave everything I had in me. The judges were stunned by my performance, they were enlightened with my talent but told my director they were set back because I was too “fat” to play the part of “Barbara Allen”. I stayed strong while she read through the review sheet to the cast. I immediately went into my dressing room and sat in the shower fully dressed crying under the running water. The embarrassment, the failure, the anxiety that ran down my body into the drain put me on an all time low for days. This had to be the final stab at my unhealthy lifestyle, but as the days went on I lost power and determination and jumped back into eating unhealthy . Sometimes even the best motivation or the worst situations can’t keep you on a healthy track.

Even though I took a break with theater for a while I continued singing and playing music with my band. The band and I became  like family. I ended up falling hard for the drummer and shockingly he fell for me. I couldn’t understand what he saw in me but I liked the feeling of being in a real relationship or the illusion of a real relationship. We hung out constantly and that put a stop to the band because of the arguments between him and another band member. 

Graduation came and the distance between us grew and he became distant making me feel completely insecure so we ended up splitting because I couldn’t take the anxiety I was feeling. I needed to move on. Graduation was one of the lowest points in my life. It was 100 degrees and I refused to wear shorts or t shirts. I was so depressed and hated myself so much that I didn’t even want to walk down the aisle to get my diploma. I remember the graduation rehearsal day perfectly because it was the day I was humiliated. Earlier that morning in the gym locker room a couple of girls had switched my contact solution with perfume. As my eyes were burning I stood there unable to move or see a thing. Twenty minutes went by and I as so late for my next class but , it was impossible to see. My eyes started to clear after flushing water in them constantly. When I got home that night, as I was changing my gym clothes for the next morning I found a note that said “I hope your still eyes hurt , now you know how we feel when you change in front of us”. I crawled in bed, and refused to go to school the next day. After just having a break up with a boyfriend 

My heart was shattered. The first heartbreak is supposed to sting but this stung a little too much.  Food and friends would be the first thing I would turn to, but I didn’t have anyone left and food didn’t fill the emptiness, it just fueled the fire of my anxiety. The anxiety would come at the most random times. I remember walking through the grocery store and all of a sudden feeling nauseous and bursting out in tears. I was so confused on what was happening.  One day I was sitting on the computer and noticed an email from a friend telling me how he was out with other girls and it just made me so sick I grabbed my Ipod and left the house.  I walked for about two hours that day, listening to music and looking around at the world and the amazing things in it. When I was walking I felt like the world was staring at me back noticing the amazement in myself and that I needed to find my happiness again. After I got home I felt so much better. I sat down ate a healthy dinner, watched a movie with my family without crying, and realized that no medicine could fight my anxiety like the endorphins I gained through going out and walking.  After taking a long walk it actually gave me a little control over eating healthier. I started changing my eating habits gradually.  I ended up training my body to relate exercise as a way of relaxation.

The success of the first month of my new healthy life style was the start of my healthy life. 25lbs had fallen off through the simplicity of switching to a healthy diet and a active life.  The compliments I received from the people around me kept pushing me to move forward and continue to be strong. The reason I lost so much weight the first month is because when you first start a diet you lose a lot of the extra water weight you consume through sodium and other processed foods. I finally had control over my life and it felt great. My ex and I ended up getting back together after hanging out a couple times and realizing there were still feelings there. That was the worst decision I made and my parents were soon to be right about him. I was starting to get a lot of attention as the year went on and my weight began to drop off. Getting back with him still didn’t stop me from my goals. I was finally finding the happiness I had been missing. My boyfriend wasn’t to fond of the attention I was getting and grew an insecurity within himself. As the insecurity grew so did his anger. The anger started with bickering, to emotional abuse to a physical abuse.  I still decided I was going to lose weight no matter how he treated me and one day he would stop hurting me because I was everything he wanted. At that point I had fallen into a deep hole of confusion and became oblivious to the life I was living and the world around me. The relationship was different to everyone’s eyes except mine. Soon I became insecure and he made me feel like he was the only guy out there for me and no one would want a girl like me in their life. He deleted my emails, my online accounts, the numbers in my phone, cut up clothes in my closet and tried to isolate me from my family. The worst part of the situation was I was fighting to be with this guy. Catching him cheat on me should have been the stop to our relationship but it was the moment I made his mistake my fault. After all the lies and stories about the bruises on my body I just broke down and couldn’t handle it anymore. I wrote my mom a letter explaining everything that was going on in my life and she was immediately there for me. Crying for me and comforting me for the pain I was dealt with. No one in the world deserves to be treated with disrespect and relationships should be about love and happiness.

A month later I found a perfect summer job in the Hampton’s working with kids. Living in New York became the perfect escape to find myself and happiness again. I continued to eat healthy and stay active. I grew a love for baking and creating healthy living ideas.

I am currently writing a book for a healthy way of life in the eye of a young adult for young adults.  After the summer in the Hampton’s I returned to Iowa. No one had recognized me. I looked like a complete different person. The year transformation was shocking to everyone. I was acknowledged by people that acted as if I never existed. As I lost weight I found my happiness again as a complete person. I let myself be me and found real love called life. Today I can look in the mirror and smile and say I am truly happy inside and out. I am faced with the rumors of how I lost weight and sometimes it stings a little because my healthy journey was a challenge but I had to find the fun to stay motivated. I know exactly how I lost weight, the people who matter the most in my life know how I lost weight so I never let the words of others bring me down.

I am still in college studying business. After my book I want to continue writing and publishing health books for teens. I want teens around the world to find inspiration through healthy perspectives and not was the fashion industry portrays. Fashion is important but so is your life. Weighing 90lbs by eating a bag of lettuce to walk a thirty second runway isn’t worth the hours spent in hospitals for the damage of malnutrition, or a lifetime of a mental state. Losing twenty pounds in two weeks to look good in a bikini isn’t worth losing a baby because you messed up your body. I want girls to focus on the fun of  a healthy lifestyle and find patience in the process.

Opening up a cupcake/ bakery is also another dream of mine. I am currently working in the Hampton’s this summer. I love spending time on the beach, shopping, and hanging out with the greatest people on earth. I love to blog new healthy recipes, how to eat healthy from day to day and basic tips. I even throw in the random post here and there.  I love fashion, I love food, I love fitness and love to blog about it!  

xoxo

Taralynn

This Page Contains My Personal Favorites and Stuff About Me.

This is my baking cabinet in my kitchen. I am constantly organizing it and adding new things.

My Boyfriend Jeremy <3

I don’t let losing weight get in the way of my love for baking, and of course my love for color! These are colored coconut balls for the inside of my rainbow coconut truffles. I do stick to a lot of sugar free recipes though.

The inside of my coconut truffles.

Gerard Butler. The man of my dreams!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is My Mom. I love her to death and we have so much fun together. She truly is my best friend.

This is my Big brother! He just graduated with a degree in Psychology and is a Lieutenant Officer in the Air force. He’s great!

I’m kind of an obsessive organizer:)

Vocal and musical theater

I LOVE clothing and I LOVE Glamour Kills

And OF COURSE I love Men in Bow ties!

BMX<3

This is my Adorable Grandma. She keeps me up with my faith and reminds me everyday the importance of God.

This is my family. They keep me together. I would do anything for them.

This is my brothers girlfriend, basically she has been apart of our family for years. I love her dearly.

Sometimes I get sick with Beiber Fever!

One of my Best Friends From New York. This girl is SO INSPIRATIONAL. She has given me so much.

Spending the Summer in the Hamptons. I live for this.

Going out with my family! Were a Crazy Crowd!

I LOVE ALL TIME LOW….nuff said.

Me baking Chocolate Truffles. (Dont do this unless you have will power) haha

I love making gifts for friends. I made this going away box for my best friend Brian who was transferred to Korea.

This Christmas Truffles I made. (no one could tell they were sugar free)

Baking Cupcakes with my cutie cousin for her class.

My Little Cookie Boxes haha

Chocolate Covered Pretzel Sticks for the girlies~

My Pink Kitchen Aid Blender I got for My Birthday!

Cupcakes I made for Valentines Day

Cupcakes for her class!

My Cat Meow Meow also LOVES cupcakes

Summer Car!

MY BEST FRIEND IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!

Catered My brothers Commission Party

 Bagels and Homemade Spreads

I spend a lot of time recording songs at school

I’m almost full!!!

My cupcake Stash

My talented Gift Wrap skills haha

Hello Kitty Cake I made for Cait

One of my Close friends!!

Out with the fam!

My Sugar Free Cookies

Taking a break from the sun!

Known for my pink shoes

I’m such a nerd!

Sugar Free Cupcakes I made for a Baby Shower!

Tropical Coconut Cupcakes! I love summer!

My Decorated Truffles

More Truffles!

My Angel Food cake for my moms office on Valentines Day

Pink Pancakes I made! I just LOVE food coloring haha

Family!

My Theater Mask:)

Piano Favorite Instrument!

All Time Low Concert!!

My Big Brother!

My Friends Little Nephew!

Momma!

Travis and I (Lead singer of We The Kings)

Singing

Go Go Tokyo Our Band In Highschool

Me Playing SONYA in GODSPELL.

Summer!

Family Vacation!